Falling Out of Love
“He/She just wasn’t right for you.”
It has been said that all stories are love stories. This might not be entirely true, but even a little bit of romance adds something to a plot, creating conflict and drama that everyone enjoys. But these stories don’t always end well, both in novels and in real life. While this effect of falling out of love can easily be explained away with the earlier sentence, we’re here to find what really matters: the science, of course!
Falling out of love involves many different theories and fields in science. The side of love involving physics has been covered in a previous article, but our subject today relates more to biology.
Many people think love is all in the heart, but the brain tends to be much more involved. The hormones it receives play a big part in causing those unique feelings.
Many different kinds of hormones influence love, and they’re what make you feel butterflies in your stomach. Testosterone and estrogen are responsible for libido. Meanwhile, increased levels of dopamine and norepinephrine, as well as reduced serotonin, are seen when attracted to others. The adjustments of these three hormones make us excitable, often preventing us from sleeping or eating, and are likely responsible for the typical obsessive nature of early love. Finally, hormones like oxytocin and vasopressin are responsible for attachment seen between not just partners but family members and friends.
As a result of these hormones, love can be very addictive, the sensation being compared to use of recreational drugs in some studies. However, this similarity is only found in early love; as time passes, our bodies normalize the quantity of hormones that cause addiction. When this happens, positive feelings generated around that person are lessened, making them seem less special to us. We end up noticing their quirks more often, which we start to view as more annoying than endearing. As a result, when the attraction from hormones runs out, relationships are truly tested and often end.
When people are dumped or rejected, they also experience symptoms akin to withdrawal from substances along with physical pain and even heart problems, including aptly named ‘broken heart syndrome.’ In their bodies, the levels of aforementioned oxytocin and dopamine drop sharply while more of the stress hormone cortisol is produced. These symptoms aren't unique to losing a partner, though, as any sufficiently traumatic experience can activate them.
But don't lose hope yet! Moving on from the initial ‘kilig’ stage of early love is normal. If a relationship can stay healthy and overcome the challenges between those involved, these rewarding hormones can return, but without the negative consequences that are associated with infatuation. For instance, serotonin, which plays a part in your mood and diet, goes back to normal in lasting relationships, whereas during early love it was reduced. Even as relationships become less about excitement and passion and more about support and commitment, they can still remain just as rewarding as before.
Relationships are complicated. Thankfully, with the power of science, we’ve discovered the light at the end of the tunnel: those who stay committed and cultivate healthy relationships can make their love last. Remember, too, that God is integral to any relationship, and He will be the glue that keeps us all together through thick and thin.
Sources:
https://hms.harvard.edu/news-events/publications-archive/brain/love-brain
